Playing with candle fire

December 20, 2015December 20, 2015 / smikg / 3 Comments

Women and shopping, can be trouble. Maxed-out credit cards, anyone?

Women and online shopping – hell, that’s playing with fire. “Click, click, click, add to trolley, add to trolley, add to trolley – that’s how much? Where’s my other credit card?”

Women and online shopping and Christmas-time – WOAH.

Let me just say this: when I went online to buy a simple advent candle from kikki.K, all I intended to buy was the damn candle that had sold out in stores.

But then, free shipping over $50 happened. (Who wants to spend an extra $10 for shipping when their entire purchase amounts to $10?)

So anyway, days later, this box arrived at my doorstep:

In my defence, the majority of the box was pumped-up bubble wrap, with the additions of my new 2016 dairy, a family planning pack with organisers and to-do lists and stuff, and of course, the highly-sought after advent candle (my precious).

Christmas, is the most wonderful time of the year.

5 nights to go…

What (Aussie) Christmas means to me, my love

December 18, 2015 / smikg / 3 Comments

Sunny days and leafy trees

sprawled out in the yard on lounge chairs

squeals of laughter from the park children

the squeak of Mum and Dad’s backyard swing.

Prawn platters, Fruit pavlova

three courses and constant food in between

Ham is not the star – everything is

and it all goes down well with a glass (or few) of champers.

Flowy dresses and bows in tresses

the kids run barefoot on the grass

we can show some leg and we don’t care

Summer, holidays, carefree, go together.

Annoying things too, like crawling ants and invading-space flies

tightly-wound presents with ribbon, all screwed up

but this is the miniscule list I hold

for this oh-so-Merry day.

Balmy nights, revved up cars

light until past 9pm

cannot sleep, but not just for Santa

for waiting ain’t easy when it’s pushing 20 at midnight.

Eating drinking memory making

What do you talk about with those you love?

Why everything! And now let’s make some plans

about how we’ll take on the world together.

Hot sand replaces stinging ice

sunnies sit meandering instead of wrapped-around scarves

we still rug up on Christmas Eve

to our loved ones for warmth, but not heat.

Carols may sing of snow,

Santa may be in his jolly suit,

cards will show reindeer, eggnog, fireplaces

and the pine trees are not native at this time of year.

But those are idealistic visions

of a Faraway Place

a dream where one day I will be, and see, and touch

and live in reality.

My memories here are of sun, of outdoor fun,

sitting outside and making memories with loved ones

My Aussie Christmas

is the one I love the most.

(The above was inspired by a conversation I had with a work colleague about our different Christmas memories, since his ones stem from living in the UK. He found it odd that the Christmas we celebrate is so different from the one depicted in the songs we sing and the cards we send out. But like I said, faraway place 🙂 )

Betrayal

November 23, 2015 / smikg / Leave a comment

It’s the sting of salt licking the wounds on your legs as you first step into the ocean.

It’s the wind exerting the pressure needed to break the unhinged branch from its trunk.

It’s the rain beginning its unrelenting downpour minutes away from your walk home.

It’s your wedding ring being washed offshore a week into your honeymoon.

It’s your new computer crashing.

It’s that first eager sip of coffee burning your tongue.

It’s a hole in a tin roof, dripping water onto the freshly painted floor below.

It’s a broken down tram you’re trying to catch on your way to meet friends.

It’s noticing a tear in your stockings after stepping into a party.

It’s a mouse being passed from paw to paw, in agony awaiting its fateful end.

It’s someone talking about their woes at work, when all you have experienced lately is the lows of loss.

It’s a bird caged for 13 years, and finally meeting its demise a day after breaking free from its metal prison.

It’s a trusted secret told to your enemy.

It’s a one-way person living in a two-way friendship.

…

Betrayal is worldly. Betrayal is opportunistic. Betrayal is circumstantial. Betrayal is random.

Betrayal is worst when it’s personal.

It’s being treated as anyone, by the person you treat as someone.

I’m sorry I told off your child…

November 23, 2015November 23, 2015 / smikg / Leave a comment

… but, actually, I’m not.

Baby girl is usually in the trolley as I whiz around our local shopping centre doing the weekly grocery shop. I stopped at Baker’s Delight, and my precious girl stood obediently beside me as I waited in the long line, occasionally pointing to the endless sweet and savoury treats showcased behind the glass before us.

Another young girl, at least 2 years older than my one, was nearby with You. She looked really sweet and innocent, holding no malice at all, only cheekiness and curiosity as is so prevalent and totally necessary at that young age. She spotted my girl and, as all older kids are, became besotted with the image of a younger child to ‘play’ with.

At first she came and stood really close, almost eye to eye with my baby girl. This is really confronting, and I can understand why baby girl gets freaked out by a total stranger doing this, albeit it being a young girl such as she. But I understood Your girl’s intention, her amusement, her willingness to play, and I said “it’s ok honey, she just wants to play.”

You continued chatting away to the woman selling bread behind the counter.

I was next and soon ordering my own bread, plus a bit of a snack to keep us going on our seemingly never-ending mammoth shopping trip that day. As I started ordering, I became aware of baby girl crying out in protest, gripping my legs and standing behind me, while the other girl jumped out at her, playing a kind of peek-a-boo, at the same time doing a kind of scary/wobbly face at her to see her reaction. I looked down at them, trying to settle baby girl, looking up to listen to the young girl as she responded to my question about bread, while also peeking a glimpse to see if You would say anything and stop your girl, who was only having fun, from making My Girl, upset.

You and the bread lady laughed and I heard you comment that your girl was playing, while my baby girl was getting upset. It was a flippant and light-hearted comment, and just like that your conversation moved on.

My baby girl was getting distressed by your girl’s playing. You obviously don’t know to what extent, but only I could feel her grabbing at my legs and trying to avoid your girl as she jumped out and around at her, again and again. As I waited for my bread, growing increasingly frustrated, I knew what I had to do, in the presence of YOUR lack of doing.

Your girl pulled a really scary face at my baby girl again as well as a bit of a “roar”-ing sound, and I’m sorry, but you think of how it feels for a big kid to do that to a little kid. You picture a 6 year-old doing that to your child – is that considered bullying? At the very least, it’s not fair.

“Excuse me, can you please stop doing that to my daughter, she’s getting upset.”

My tone came out short, brisk and firm. Perhaps I shouldn’t have let frustration rule me; perhaps I should have taken a deep breath and thought ‘this is someone’s daughter’ before I let the young girl know how I felt; perhaps I should have started with ‘Sweetie,’ and used more “please’s’ and really sugared up the request with ‘I know you’re playing honey but my girl is a bit upset, do you mind not doing that?’

But all I could think of was how You, had laughed off my girl getting upset from Yours. You didn’t stop your child. So naturally, it fell within my jurisdiction.

Your girl heard my tone, and immediately withdrew and went close to you. I know you heard. You went silent, paid and then walked off with your daughter. The girl serving me heard. I reckon a few people around us heard. And I know you were upset. You were upset that someone you hadn’t known had told off your daughter.

But don’t be upset with me. Be embarrassed, as I hope you were, that you didn’t do anything about your girl sooner.

And yes, it was slightly awkward as we crossed paths 20 minutes later, both of us with our girls buying fruit and vegetables. It was totally in your right to confront me, even though you didn’t.

But you know what? I know I told off your girl, and that was perhaps inappropriate. But as you should know, I am the Mummy Lion… and no one messes with my cub.

Uma Thurman as ‘The Bride’ in Kill Bill: Vol. 1

“It was not my intention to do this in front of you. For that I’m sorry. But you can take my word for it, your mother had it comin’. When you grow up, if you still feel raw about it, I’ll be waiting.”

Things that shit me… #9

November 19, 2015 / smikg / Leave a comment

Redundant questions.

These are the questions that are asked and will favourably be answered in the questioners favour, no matter how you feel, opposite or in line to their query. However, unfortunately, the answer that comes out of your mouth is usually to your detriment.

Examples are:

“Did you want me to move for you?”

“Is it okay if I bring X, Y and Z along (to our private long overdue intimate) catch-up?”

“Are you upset at that comment I made?”

In these circumstances, this is how I respond, IN MY MIND:

“Yes I do want you to move for me because you’re sitting in my regular seat!”

“No, I don’t want you to bring X, Y, and Z along, I think X is an up-herself bitch, Y has insecurity issues which makes her lack respect for elders, and Y – just don’t go there. I haven’t seen you in years, why are you doing this?”

“Yes I am bloody upset with you! Did you see my face as you stabbed that metaphorical sword through my heart?”

But, instead, my mouth smiles forcibly and says:

“No, that’s okay.”

Grrr, argh.

Twisted Lyrics #3

October 14, 2015March 18, 2016 / smikg / Leave a comment

I first loved them with their classic 80s rock ballad, ‘Is This Love?’

Then I loved them more when I got right into the 80s rock, very, very late into the naughties. (“We’re not gonna take it! No, we ain’t gonna take it!”/”She’s only 17″/”I see my Maryanne walking away, awaaaayyyyy….”)

And so I thought Whitesnake were being all political and pushing gender issues when I sang along with them –

“Here I go again on my own” (guitar riff)

“Going down the only road I’ve ever known” (guitar riff)

“Like a sister I was meant to walk alone.”

Ahem, yep, a sister, walking alone. Sure, all-male 80s rock bands loved pushing the problem of the female equality gap.

Wrong.

“Here I go again on my own” (guitar riff)

“Going down the only road I’ve ever known” (guitar riff)

“Like a drifter I was meant to walk alone.”

Huh. Of course, drifters walked alone.

‘Here I go again on my own’ (guitar riff)

‘Imparting basic songs with meaning – like a drone.’

GUITAR RIFF.

Twisted Lyrics #2

October 9, 2015October 9, 2015 / smikg / Leave a comment

Let’s get into some John Legend people! Come on, let’s sing ‘All Of Me’ together:

“What would I do without –

???

“- your small love.”

‘What would I do without your small love.’ This opening line baffled me for months and months. I thought it was some kind of metaphor. It’s a small love, yet a great love, something like that. Only once actually letting myself listen to the song and not inserting the words I thought I could hear, did I realize one day driving home from work:

“What would I do without your smart mouth.”

Ahhhh. John Legend you cheeky devil. Now that makes sense. Not only are you having a sly dig at your model missus, but you’ve done so so stealthily in a love song, so that she can’t even argue about it… the song is dedicated to her after all.

Honest. Direct. Hi Five Borat-style John Legend, you smart mouth.

Things that shit me… #8

October 9, 2015 / smikg / Leave a comment

Pedestrians.

Pedestrians shit me big time.

They shit me when they amble over the road ever so slowly, taking in the sights of the uniform, grey, large buildings around them, in a kind of sight-seeing stupor, while an ever-increasing line of cars await their cross so that they can move on through the road that they are unfairly occupying.

They shit me when they run across the road at random intervals, not because it’s their green man, not because it’s their crossing, but because they are doing so ILLEGALLY and just crossing 7 lanes in peak hour to get across to the demanding chicken on the other side.

They mostly shit me when they cross slowly, due to the fact of being so engrossed by their phone screens in front of them that they are unable to see their future prospects of being run over by cranky drivers.

Pedestrians who look down at a device, preoccupied, while taking on the task of crossing a road that inhabits large and heavy vehicles that far surpass their weight, are really playing with fire.

They kind of, deserve to be mowed down.

(Gasp, horror! No, really?)

A little nudge won’t hurt them… might wake them from their stupor too.

Writer vs. Non

October 7, 2015 / smikg / Leave a comment

A Non-writer when they are sick:

“I have so much snot, I don’t know where all this flem is coming from.”

A writer when they are sick:

“I have so much snot, it’s like a snot factory is up in there, producing mass amounts as directed by C.E.O Mr Flu. And as Mr Flu reaches the peak of his reign, the snot is being churned out as the workers go into overtime. But then an insider overturns Mr Flu, and there is no choice but for Mr Flu to gradually sack workers, therefore affecting the amount of snot produced, until the factory comes to a point where there are no more workers and no more snot, and of course no more C.E.O Mr Flu.”

Hubbie: “You’re funny.”

Farm in the City

September 14, 2015September 14, 2015 / smikg / 2 Comments

Hectares of park land in city surrounds, where animals are chilled out in their farm life yet the folk visiting come from all high and low ends of the city, is what the Collingwood Children’s Farm is all about. I came to discover this as we ventured out there for the day to celebrate both mine and baby girl’s birthdays.

Firstly, getting there. If you’re walking over (fortunate local) or public transporting it down, well you’re doing it the easiest. If you are driving down on a weekend or a sunny day, BE WARNED. Trying to park at the St. Helier Street car park is probably best done when it’s cold, early in the day or a weekday.

Since we headed over at lunchtime on one of the first sunny Sunday’s in August, we were met with a formidable line leading up to the car park closest to the farm, with the sign up the front of the car park ‘Full’ not seeming to deter many drivers.

If you do happen to find a spot in there, note that the first half hour is free, with fees increasing as the hours tick on. However, this is not relevant on a weekend, which let’s face it is when you’ll most likely go, am I right? Fees all around then. (If it makes you feel better, proceeds go towards the Children’s Farm and the Abbotsford Convent also located there).

After circling around blocks for a while, we parked where many others were, on Johnston St/Studley Park Road, but we made sure to park AFTER a certain section (I think it was over the Yarra River bridge heading towards the Studley Park Road part of the street, past a street sign symbol) because a fellow driver was kind enough to point out to us when we parked in the earlier section of road of the many parking fines on all the cars currently parked there. How the others didn’t see it was beyond me. Park desperation = herd mentality.

This was a 5-10 minute walk to the farm, made slower by the fact that baby girl was set on walking slowly through the gravel car park we cut through.

Entry was $18 for a family. For us this was cheaper than the normal $9 an adult and $5 per child. If you have a concession, it’s even cheaper.

Because we wanted to lunch at Farm Café first, we received a stamp so that we could return to the farm grounds later without having to pay again. After our lunch (read the ‘interesting’ account here) we headed around the corner to the farm.

We saw chooks, birds, roosters, a peacock, cows, goats, ducks and pigs.

Everything seemed to be within close walking distance, which was great, but I’ll be honest I’m not sure we got to see everything, leaving soon after because baby girl was
a) Getting tired, and
b) Was much too interested in messing about the gravel dirt underneath her feet (with her hands of course) than the animals before her.

It was her birthday, so ultimately she could do what she wanted.

Age wise I think it’s a great place for kids a bit older, say 3-4 onwards, as they would probably appreciate the animals more and not be so distracted by random elements (!) while those a bit older, say 6 up, would appreciate the educational elements: if you’re there at the right time you can even experience the milking of a cow!

We would probably go back to the farm, but to be fair to all of us, in a couple of
years time.

All in all, a lovely day out in the country/city 🙂

Collingwood Children’s Farm can be visited at 18 St Heliers Street Abbotsford.

(Part 3 of our birthday outing can be read here).

smikg

work in progress

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