Girl, don’t forget

It’s an exciting time when you fall in love. More so, when your man pops the question – there is joy, elation, satisfaction, deep fulfillment and often, a yearn to keep and want everything to be as easy and pleasant as that stage, forever until the end of time.

Keeping things smooth sailing however, sometimes results in us forgetting about ourselves.

Forgetting where we came from.

We try so hard to please, make the family happy, make the relatives happy, live and act the picture of a perfect couple, play the part and smile and laugh… that we often forget, about ourselves. 

Our wants.

Our needs.

It is not a conscious thing. Our self-ignorance is unintentional, as we throw ourselves whole-heartedly into the man, the life, the family that we wish to spend the rest of our lives in. We are so consumed with love and passion, that all else falls behind. All thoughts and desires, goals and dreams and big-thinking falls to the wayside as we embark on an exciting new chapter.

We focus so much on this new part of our lives, on our union with this amazing partner… that we forget about the individual who got there. The individual who has been left behind.

Ourselves.

To my younger self, and to my daughter who will someday read this… and to any other girl out there, beginning to embark on such a romance.

Remember.

Don’t forget yourself.

 

Girl, don’t forget – A POEM.

Girl, as you fall in love, don’t forget

The things that made you laugh, and what lifted you when you were sad.

Girl, as he holds you hand, don’t forget

Your parents who held it before, and who lifted you when you would fall.

 

Girl, as he kisses you sweetly, don’t forget

The lips that touched your head, to mend bruises, to maintain your even breath.

Girl, as he bends on one knee, don’t forget

You are more than a man, a union, a wedding that will consume all of your days.

 

Girl, as you plan your big day, don’t forget

Your parents are happy for you, but struggling to let go.

Girl, as you practice writing your new surname, don’t forget

Where you came from, and how far your maiden name travelled to get to you.

 

Girl, as you get married, don’t forget

Those who cheered you on are still with you, even though you are blind in your happiness.

Girl, when the day is done, don’t forget

To look back on the photos, and observe the smiling faces in the background.

 

Girl, as you go about your life, don’t forget

There is more to your day than pleasing those around you.

Girl, as you argue with you husband, don’t forget

That your parents yelled at each other too.

 

Girl, as you say yes to yet another request, don’t forget

What set your stubborn 16 year-old self on fire.

Girl, as you remember what you used to love, don’t forget

That no one told you to stop loving after all.

 

And girl, when you get to that day, when you realise you DID forget…

It is not too late to start again.

And girl, when you tell your husband what you love, please don’t forget…

That you are your own person, and will do it anyway.

    ~ Smik G.

jennifer-regnier-1416925-unsplash

Photo by Jennifer Regnier on Unsplash

 

 

 

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What it feels like for a girl

“Do you know what it feels like for a girl?

Do you know what it feels like in this world

For a girl?”

‘I’d love to wear this – but too revealing.

Better pick this covered option. I don’t want the stares. People would talk.’

 

“Girls can wear jeans

And cut their hair short

Wear shirts and boots”

‘I can hear someone approaching behind me… wait, do I turn just yet?

It’s ok, they’ve passed me. Another worker. Breathe.’

 

“’Cause it’s OK to be a boy

But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading

‘Cause you think that being a girl is degrading”

‘Do I take this alleyway? Too dark.

Next one, just in case.’

 

“Silky smooth

Lips as sweet as candy, baby

Tight blue jeans

Skin that shows in patches”

‘Don’t meet his eyes, don’t meet his eyes, don’t meet his eyes

I wouldn’t want to give him the wrong impression

(That’s what women are taught)’

 

“Strong inside but you don’t know it

Good little girls they never show it”

‘Oh crap, two guys are approaching. Scan the area: do they seem legit?

Workwear: check.

Walking with purpose: check

They’ve passed me now… phew. Walk faster.’

 

“When you open up your mouth to speak

Could you be a little weak”

 

‘Just because I’m a girl he thinks he can get away with his insurance claim?

Because girls are incompetent drivers I guess. (I’ll show him).

 

“Hair that twirls on finger tips so gently, baby

Hands that rest on jutting hips repenting”

 

‘I hope they take heed of my points in the meeting…

If they don’t, these loose buttons will grab their attention. Better than nothing.’

 

“Hurt that’s not supposed to show

And tears that fall when no one knows

When you’re trying hard to be your best

Could you be a little less”

‘I wish they didn’t look at me like that. Don’t objectify me.

I’m a wife, a mother, and a daughter. What if someone stared at your sister the way you stared at me?

How kindly would you take to a wolf whistle then?’

 

“Do you know what it feels like for a girl

What it feels like in this world…

Do you know

Do you know”

???

Blind Love/Hate

Isn’t it funny how

We’re aware of our partners weaknesses

yet we continue to excuse them

Explain them away

Justify them

to ourselves

to others

to the World

Their characters

Their behaviours

The words they speak

It all has a reason, doesn’t it?

 

Aloof – “He only has time for his circle of friends.”

Moody – “He works too much, doesn’t get enough sleep.”

Loose with words – “He likes to speak his mind.”

Uptight – “It’s only because she values tradition.”

Judgmental – “She’s hard on others because she’s hard on herself.”

 

Is love that blind?

Or are we too critical with indifference?

 

(Actually he’s egocentric;

Actually he’s insulting;

Actually he’s heartless;

Actually she’s choleric;

Actually she’s sanctimonious).

 

Should we be harder on our partners

and kinder to strangers?

Should we expect more of those dearest to us

and let the others look after their own, withholding all judgment?

Should hate be blind?

… now that’s a thought.