Happiness Is… # 12


(I’m seriously baffled, mind-boggled, and stupefied that it’s taken me 11 previous attempts in this series before acknowledging this life-saving, world-changing, cure of all evils, magically attributed powers brown liquid)

I’m walking over with some colleagues to get the usual morning coffee. Conversation turns to “what would you buy with the $60 million on offer in next week’s Tatts draw?”

We’re talking the usuals:

money to family and friends



houses and investment

shopping (my addition)

But then we throw in some exciting extras:

Getting a ‘good accountant’ so that we don’t have to pay tax on our fortune (my addition again)

Setting up a shelter in the CBD to help the homeless and get them back on their feet

Buying a football club

Walking into random bars at night and shouting “drinks are on me!”

And this is all happening BEFORE we’ve had a taste of our caffeinated beverages. That’s just how damn good coffee is. It gives you a burst of energy, in its anticipatory excitement of having it, before you’ve even had it.

Thank you person who discovered coffee beans. 🙂

Now I will proceed to list the many things I would do with my $60 million winnings:

Give a considerable amount to my immediate family and friends, so that they could live debt free and enjoy some luxury. Excluding the people considered in my recent posts Round and Round and Things that shit me… well there are consequences for being a dickhead isn’t there? Oh what the hell, I’ll throw a couple thou their way so they can buy some expensive shoes.

Buy some lion cubs, and set them up in a huge jungle-like enclosure so that they wouldn’t feel confined like the lions in zoo-type scenarios usually feel roaming along the fencing line, and I’d visit them on a regular basis so that they would know me and protect me against the arseholes of this world.

Set up my family overseas who are doing it really tough. Make it so that they don’t have the hardships and struggles that many living in difficult economic times over there are having.

Go shopping. I have this intense feeling of wonder, of how it would feel to go into your favourite clothes shop, and buy every single item that’s desirable to you, even if it’s just a “hmmm, maybe” item, and not ask about any of the prices. Just pay at the end. And comment to the salesperson on payment “that’s cheaper than what I thought it would be.”

Set up a shelter for unwanted animals. They can receive treatment for any ills, and just laze about for the rest of their days, living in happiness and comfort, with an abundance of food and love and attention and walks, yet the shelter would also serve as a rescue house where the public can come in and save an animal for free. Unlike other shelters, these animals would not be put down due to excessive overpopulation. These animals will live as long as they are possibly able to, because they would be in a huge mofo of a shelter.

Buy a holiday house on the beach, in Mornington Peninsula, Victoria; Opatija, Croatia; Positano, Italy.

Set up a shelter in Melbourne CBD for homeless people. The shelter would provide food and shelter, while also providing training for basic tasks like cooking, to more advanced career skills to help them get back into the employment field and get them back on their feet, and any other necessary life rehabilitation. It would provide this assistance until they were employed and able to support themselves, living from their own means and off the streets. Follow-up visits would ensure these people are checked up on and kept on track with their life goals.

Give money to cancer research. Employ the best scientists and tell them to kick cancers butt out of this galaxy and beyond.

Buy a really, really, really nice house.

Employ a full-time cleaner for life.

Get my Nissan 370z (I don’t need no porche).

Buy A LOT of cats.

Organise investments with my full-time for life ‘good accountant.’

Okay buy a porche.

Set up the underprivileged villages in African countries with clean drinking water, organise education and training, and help these children and their families make something of their life, far from the poverty they currently experience.

Walk down the streets, randomly handing out $100 notes with the catch phrase “Hi! I’ve been looking for you! Here’s my overdue payment” and then walk off.

Get a professional coffee machine (barista style) installed in my really nice house.

Go into bars and yell “drinks are on me!” and make friends for life. (Note: do this in my three holiday house locations).

Hire a bodyguard for life.

And with all my free time not working, I would drink coffee, do yoga, indulge in red wine, holiday, and just write write write!

Ahh. What a life.

(And all that from the anticipation of coffee!)

*Try it, it’s a fun game, and leave your comments below!*


Things that shit me… #7

Users/energy hoarders/in-the-moment attention whores…

You slave over them. You make them feel more than welcome in your home. IN YOUR LIFE. You give them so much of your time and day. You give all of yourself, plus some, plus the kitchen sink and the donutellas that come with it, to them. You think they too, give you the respect and love that you specifically give to them, the very select few of your crew.

And then the love and attention you whole-heartedly thought was yours, they also give to the person that they bad-mouth on a regular basis.


Screw this shit.

Only look after number 1: that is, YOU.

Round and Round

Sometimes you’re hurt.

“Don’t give your presence to someone when they’re not affected by your absence.”

One-way street, trying so hard to be a two-way street. Laughter, gifts, high-volume chaos, with a good dash of secrets and D&M sucks you right in. You’re in love again.

And then the absence begins. Their absence.

Why do I submit to this cycle, again and again?
Why do I chase so hard for someone who doesn’t give me the time I deserve?
Why do we do the same dance every few months?              
Why do I swear off you for life, only to be reeled back in by your intoxicating vibrant pull?

It’s the memories. Emotions. The times we’ve shared. The life-changing moments we’ve spent together from our young years all the way through to our recent ones. It continues to link us. It’s all those talks. It’s all that YOU know. It’s all that I know.

We both know, a lot.

This all makes it hurt. In the end I’m hurt, because I’m giving 150% to you. I don’t give of myself so freely, or so easily, like the person who gives you the synopsis of the last 10 years of their life plus the bonus snapshot of their upbringing within a half hour of meeting. I take time. I need to be steeped. I let you in, little by little, the milk that needs to be slowly added to the slowly developing béchamel sauce, or the stock that needs to be poured bit by bit to make that delicious risotto. And despite our varying personalities, my tea and your straight shot of tequila made a perfect blend. Yin and Yang. Peanut Butter and Chocolate.

Disappointment is rife in me. When I give so much of myself, I expect it back. Betrayed. Cheap, like some discounted gardening clippers from the $2 shop. All chopped up and left in a heap.

Should I be upset at you, or my expectation of US?

Should I be upset when you, are just being YOU?

More than anything, I’m upset that I try not to be upset, and yet still find myself mulling over you. Letting you get into my head and torture me there. I try to be flippant, nonchalant, writing you out of my life. But then I hear something, and there you are again, turning those oiled wheels in my mind, over and over.

I don’t want to, but then you make me cry.

I hate you so much right now. But as my feelings are so strong in this, I know really, I don’t.