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A touch of Christmas, a lot of love

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There is a house I pass on my way home from my usual grocery shop, that I’ve noticed for its decorations.

I’ve noticed it, because it stands out in a street where quite a few neighbours have gone to some kind of effort in decorating their front of house for Christmas. Matching red bows on the fence. Perfect lights hung across the roof. Festive Christmas characters on the lawn.

This house, has none of those. It has tinsel – two colours – green and red, and they’ve been strung throughout the beige picket fence.

Not in a perfect, deliberate, every 5th stump kind of way. More in a mismatched, let’s put it here, let’s put it there… maybe there, kinda way.

I noticed this house early on. And then, something about it, HIT ME.

It made me teary.

This house, this home, the people within it… I can guarantee you without knowing them personally, that these people are the embodiment of what Christmas is about.

Because the extent or magnitude of your Christmas decorations has nothing to do with how much you love it. Whether you spent $1000 in flashing lights, and 6 hours of your Sunday putting things up…

It actually means nothing. Sure, it does mean you love Christmas.

It also means you have two things. Time, and money.

The person who spent $5 on tinsel and 10 minutes on a Tuesday night to put it up, they ALSO, love Christmas.

And it tugs my heart so much, because they either don’t have the time, they don’t have the money, or maybe even both, and yet despite this, in a street full of so many perfectly placed and prettied Christmas decorations, they still put up their tinsel.

They still showcase their love for Christmas, with what little they have.

THAT is true love. That there, is what it’s all about.

I still smile at the fancy lights and decorations I come across at night, as baby girl wows in the car.

But this house right here…

It hits different. It hits in the heart. 💖

Don’t lose sight of what’s important at Christmas time. 🙏🎄

Friday night conversations #6 Do you think it’s time?

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As a parent, you either do, or you don’t…

You either think it’s absolutely time that kids go back to school…

Or you think it’s way too early, and really don’t wanna get up to prepare those morning lunches in the cold Autumn-Winter mornings just yet.

Me? Well I honestly didn’t think kids would be going back so soon. I thought this would go on for several more weeks, or at least ’til next term. I was happy to keep baby girl home for a little longer…

BUT, and a big BUT. I am really happy, really super duper happy, to have her going back next week.

She needs it, I need it, hell we ALL need it.

Where do you stand? Too early, or right on time?

Photo by VisionPic .net on Pexels.com

I don’t have time for this

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Time. People think money is the biggie… but seriously, it’s ‘time’ that is the valuable commodity.

It is precious. When someone gives you their sacred time, it is considered special, generous, kind-hearted even.

The downside with this is that there are many that think the absence of your time, is something bad.

In this case, the opposite of something good, such as giving your time, does not equal bad – the absence of time.

It means just that… the absence of time.

No emotion should be attached.

No expectation.

No letdown.

Nothing more, nothing less.

There can be a whole bevy of reasons why you cannot give someone your time. The options in being time-poor are limitless.

There is family – your immediate family, or your extended family.

Parents – you could be caring or assisting for your elderly parents, sick parents, widowed parents. They could need a little or a lot of help. They can live in your home due to their vulnerable state, or they may live on the other side of town and require you to drive once a week for… groceries? Doctors appointments? Company and companionship? And that’s on a good week.

Siblings – you could be helping them with their families, or just lending an ear to some concerns. You could be looking after their kids, driving them around town, or cooking for them if they have been unwell.

Then there’s the whopper, KIDS. Just your own kids, and you can be met with responsibilities of childcare, school, after-school activities, and then the social occasions that come with all of the above. None of this includes the every day routines of keeping your kids fed, slept, washed, entertained and in a state of happy health and learning.

This list doesn’t include your time spent with a developmentally challenged child. It doesn’t include the challenges of a child starting school and dealing with separation anxiety, nor does it include a teenage child, exposed to drugs and alcohol and sex, and the concerns and minefields involved in navigating this tricky field of adolescent development.

This list doesn’t include meetings and illnesses and dentist appointments, nor does it include the hours dedicated to getting your kids asleep, getting them awake, and then getting them to listen to you all other times.

As you can see, that is just one area where you can be extremely time-poor.

Another area is work. Commute to and from, hours spent at workplace, and unfortunately for some the work of bringing it all home… homework.

This does not include school, or study. Again, travel time. Study time, which needs to be fit in around all the other life responsibilities and obligations you have (see above list).

You might have activities of your own: yoga, local basketball team, or that art class you’ve started experimenting in. We all need something to work towards, and the pursuit of happiness and life fulfillment is a worthy one, and one that will make our time on earth a far more enriching experience.

Then there is health, and I don’t mean that of the body… that of the mind. Mental health. The things that plague us in the middle of the night, the worries and anxiety that creep in during daylight hours, and the insecurities that prevent us from moving forward and  make us immobile in our day, that keep our hearts heavy and cheeks tear-stained… those are the ones that make a tremendous and negative impact on our time. Because we stay stuck in it. Unable to go forward. Desperate to take the first step yet not knowing how.

I haven’t mentioned partners. I haven’t mentioned friends. I haven’t mentioned our own ills. I haven’t mentioned our furry friends.

I haven’t mentioned, the routine of eating and sleeping and hygiene and clean clothes.

I don’t know about you, but I am exhausted just reading the above lists.

Oh, that’s right. SLEEP.

You can see the picture I am painting here though. Time is precious. Time is hard to come by.

If someone gives you their time, GOOD.

If someone doesn’t give you their time… GROW UP.

This is what I’ve come to realise lately. There are those who expect nothing from you and are there to lend a hand or an ear when available… and then there are those who look to the past, compare your life with theirs constantly, and expect you to fight and eat and breathe their existence, chasing after them as if they are the Sun, and you the Earth, necessary to orbit around them… 365 days a year.

My response? I’m sorry.

I don’t have time for this.

I’ve come to some hard realisations lately. People who I thought were always there for me are too demanding. They need my reassurance constantly.

I am not your parent. You are a grown person. I have my own shit to deal with and let me tell you, I am doing you a favour by not letting you into that.

I have realised that people I haven’t been able to be there for constantly (i.e. time issue) have recently been there for me in ways I never expected. Happily. Wholeheartedly. There was no “she wasn’t there for this so I won’t be there for her.” No comparing. No judgement. No ill-wishes. No guilt.

I had people who were simply there for me, without question.

It opened my eyes. It showed me my relationships in a new light.

People are always changing aren’t they? And so even those that make us happy/sad now, might make us sad/happy in the future, just as abruptly…

But my main point? Time. Time is of the essence, we don’t have enough of it, and if someone is going to make me feel guilty for failing to make them the focal point in my life…

Sorry not sorry. I should be the only focal point in my life. It is MY LIFE after all.

I just don’t have time for this anymore.

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Photo by Jesse Parkinson on Unsplash

 

 

 

The Apology

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First of all. I am sorry.

I don’t know for what. Nor do I know when and how it happened. I don’t know if what happened is reason enough for this mess, whether it is genuinely viable, and whether I should even be saying sorry at all.

But I am. I’M SORRY.

I say this, because I surely did something to deserve what has come my way.

I am sorry, that you continue to omit me from your plans.

I am sorry, that you are thankless for all that I do.

I am sorry, that you can’t be happy for me.

I am sorry, that you can’t see how much I try.

I am sorry, that all of our time adds up to nothingness.

But mostly…

I am sorry, that I wasted my time.

I am sorry, that I thought you would see the light.

I am sorry, but I realise now you can’t be changed.

Most of all, I am sorry because… one day, you will be most sorry of all.

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Photo by Rye Jessen on Unsplash

The Extra Day

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That’s what the Leap Year brings us.

The Leap Year makes up for the fact that the year is not precisely 365 days long. It’s 365 and a quarter, to be (almost) precise. For those playing at home, 365.2422 days to be minutely exact.

We go by the Gregorian calendar, which uses 365 days in a calendar year. Back in the day, Pope Gregory XIIIs astronomers worked out this system to adjust to the fact, which will need to be re-evaluated in about 10,000 years when we are long gone. But for now, it works. Every four years, February 29 appears.

And why February? February used to have 30 days, while August had only 29. When Caesar Augustus became Emperor, he wanted to add 2 days to ‘his’ month, therefore stripping Feb of its two, and adding them to August.

Interesting stuff.

But this all became super-interesting to me back in the year 2000. I was in high school, and a school friend told me that on the extra day of a leap year, you were meant to do something different. Not many customs relating to this day actually mention this, it’s always the usual ‘women can propose to men’ thing you hear more often than anything else.

I don’t know if he was telling the truth; if he was twisting things to make his actions that day seem much more plausible; or whether he was having me on – either way, what he said made an impact.

I still think of Feb 29 as a day to do something different. Leading up to today, I didn’t know what though – what would I do with these extra 24 hours? I mean, not a whole lot, seeing as I’m sitting here typing at work. But still. It gives you hope, possibility, excitement… an extra day? When you think of it like that, in this time-poor, fast-paced, go go go world, it means a whole lot.

And then I think: well why can’t we think of every day, as a day to do something different? Worthwhile? Exciting? Daring? Inspiring?

I’m drumming my fingers at my desk here, anxious to get inspired and make things happen…

And then I remember: aren’t I doing that already?

Before you look at what you can do, look at what you have done already. Grow on that. – SmikG.

Food for thought. What have you been doing?

 

Doing, doing, to-dos…

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Recently, after my blog post about How to MAKE it while doing it all, I came across a bit of an organisational revelation.

You see, ever since reading Richard Carlson’s Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff at the beginning of my I-can-achieve-anything revolution, I have learnt, and unsuccessfully have had to come to terms with the truth that your ‘Inbox’ will never be emptied out.

Your inbox, that being your to-do list, your list of chores, of people to meet up with, the things you need to buy, etc – if it’s a to-do, and it has to be done, hear this, and hear it well: you will never finish them ALL.

This has been difficult to accept from an over-accomplisher like myself. I thrive from having a to-do list, but too many things on my list and I get overwhelmed. Too little (I can’t believe it either but that does happen) I start to wane from my resolution to achieve them all, and begin to procrastinate on the tasks.

A month or so ago I did some simple things, things that I’ve been putting off for ages. Those tasks can be so menial, but because you’ve been thinking of doing it for 7 months, it suddenly becomes so hard. The thought of doing them becomes so big, simply due to the time spent thinking about it, rather than the actual fact of it being such a simple and minor task. But these tasks I did a couple of.

I did some other things too. Tidying, clearing, sorting – things that may seem so boring to some but that I find utterly therapeutic. It’s important to focus on your goals, your dreams, yes, but if your house is in clutter, so will your head be too. You need to clear ALL the clutter to really re-organise what you’re going for in your mind.

What really struck me, was the way I felt after doing these little jobs. To offer insight and example, they were:

1. To purchase a personal domain name: (note smikg.com now exists!)

2. to create a Goodreads account

That was it. The personal domain name I’d been thinking of for almost 6 months I think. Every time I logged into wordpress I’d see the familiar ‘purchase smikg.com for $18!’ I’d wanted to set up the Goodreads account for a while too, though for not as long.

What held me back on accomplishing these two tasks was:

1. time required

2. frame of mind

3. the length of time I’d been procrastinating on it.

I didn’t know how long the tasks of purchasing a domain/setting up a Goodreads account would take. Having a toddler I needed to find the adequate amount of time to do it, and yet I didn’t know what that would be. I needed to be alert and aware, especially for the setting up of my account, and so didn’t want to leave it ’til the end of the day when I usually was spent from everything. And the longer I put both these things off, the longer it took to muster the motivation to do them.

During baby girl’s nap one day I found myself at my laptop, and thought to myself ‘I need to purchase smikg.com/set-up Goodreads one day.’

My next thought was ‘why don’t I do it now? What am I waiting for?’

Within an hour, I’d done both. I was rapt. And the unbelievable thing was, now that those tasks were done, they were done! Finished. Things I’d been thinking of doing for so many months I could now cross off my to-do list, and they’d barely taken an hour to accomplish.

These are my points.

1. Just do it. Many jobs can be done so quickly if we just push our indecision/uncertainty/lazy arses to the side and get it done! Like Gretchen Rubin talks about in her book The Happiness Project, if a job takes less than 5 minutes to do, do it. Do it, do it, do it. You’d be amazed at how much you can do, and how much can be done, when you abide by this simple rule.

2. Categorise your to-dos. This has been a huge revelation to me. There is no disputing that there will always be something for you to do, and your inbox will always have a few bills waiting for you, with some minor house renovations waiting for your (un)skilled hand to have a go at. But if you categorise the things that will be complete once you’re done with it, versus your ongoing jobs, you will lift a load off your chest, let me tell you. My purchasing of my domain name and setting up Goodreads was a once off job, therefore I’m now done with it. However maintaining goodreads, and my wordpress account, is an ongoing job. I literally, LITERALLY have over 1000 photos waiting to be sorted and filed into photo albums (yes I’m old school, I still do that) spanning over 2 years since falling pregnant with baby girl. Sorting them all will be a temporary, massive hoorah! moment when it’s done, but then maintaining my photos will be ongoing. It’s important to categorise your jobs and tasks into once-off or ongoing things, just to save you some unnecessary headaches over a never-diminishing inbox.

3. Aim to get one ongoing and one once-off job done per week. If your tasks are so huge that you require more time, allow yourself the time required to fulfil them, but nonetheless, don’t procrastinate and make sure you stick to your aim. Also remember, a little bit of push and shove is necessary too. We get slack when we relax too much. Chipping away at your to-do list and getting things done, even at a slow pace, inspires you to want to do more! True story.

4. Get a cute notepad/diary/to-do list. Any smart person knows that pretty things actually work, because we suddenly want to use them and be ‘proactive.’ Whatever works my friends, whatever works.

Sightings of People as Passionate about (Addicted to) Coffee as I am (SOPAPACAIA) #4

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SOPAPACAIA Sighting #4

A shopping centre in the Northern Suburbs of Melbourne

Sighted: Me

Now before you go accusing me of being all narcissistic, I will let you know that

1) I despise narcissists, having had the unfortunate hand of having to deal with one such stellar example all too closely in my life, taking me to the scarred-for-life point-of-no-return dimension, and

2) I was actually NOMINATED by a passer-by. With the observation “You’re on a mission! With a trolley, and a coffee… and a baby!”

Yes sir, indeed. You have no idea. Explaining now.

Last week I was charging through my local shopping centre, with coffee in one hand, the other manoeuvring the shonky trolley which was only 1/3 full (you all know how shocking the trolleys get once they are full – well envision a packed trolley with a toddler in there too). The coffee was too, too hot (bittersweet scenario in fact), the trolley was moving from side to side, I was trying to entertain baby girl as well as I could while passing the too-hot coffee from burnt hand to burnt hand, manoeuvring said trolley between hot hands in between, and aware of the time factor, and HUGE shopping trip I was just beginning.

If the shopping takes too long, baby girl starts to get irritable. No one wants an irritable littlie around Christmas time.

This huge man started to walk by me, and with big eyes poked his head in my direction and said the above, with an incredulous, Islander accent.

I rest my case.

Dead on Time

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Unlike my previous estimation, in the past week and a half I’ve attended 3 funerals. Not really a record I wanna be making, or breaking.

Death has been not only a present factor in my life, but in the lives of my family and friends. Two functions this month have been cancelled because of said Deaths, with one notably being scaled-down due to a family members passing.

Throw in some other bad news from the media, also of a ‘Grim’ nature, and it just feels like the start of what’s meant to be a very festive month, has started off very, very sad. I don’t know what’s happening, but it’s been affecting everyone. It has to be planetary, it’s too much of a coincidence.

Something occurred to me while I was at the most recent funeral (and which I’m hoping was my last). I had entered the service only a few minutes after the start time, but the Italian priest was already well underway into his piece. He was speaking with such conviction, that I wished I could understand what he was saying. It sounded important, and like it might just change my life. Nevertheless I kept listening, trying to remember what I could of the language I’d dabbled in at high school when I was 13.

Sitting there, I suddenly realised that with all 3 funerals, I’d been, we’d been, late. Not by much, only a few minutes past the hour for the commencement of the service, but still. Few minutes past, and we were late.

I thought of other occasions held in churches, not of a sad nature. Weddings never started on time. Christenings, you could bet your life they’d be running late, babies being surely unpredictable and all. These joyous, happy, memorable occasions never ran to schedule. Arriving as a guest, LATE, you would be forgiven for not being on time… because the guest-of-honour would most likely not even be there yet.

Life. Death. The living are late… and the Dead don’t wait. They don’t wait for no one.

These thoughts kept circling in my head. The living are late: we have all the time in the world, yet really, it’s the one thing we all complain about – lack of time. And the deceased have no where to go, yet they are punctual. On time. For what? The afterlife?

So maybe, we should keep complaining. Keep running late. Running late, we have somewhere to go, someplace happy to be. Someone to see, and company to laugh with.

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock.

What’s Going On?

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Some stupid planetary shit is happening up there.

In the last while, there are have been two deaths. Two people I knew who inhabited this world of the breathing (I initially wrote grieving) are now gone. Which means in the following week, I’ll be attending my second funeral of late.

I found out that the Mum of an old friend had a hysterectomy to remove cancer. Today an Australian cricketer died as a result of a freaky, rare accident. I know that around the world, people die, and get sick, every day… but seriously? What is it with all this bad news, all occurring within very close proximity of one another? Is there something out of whack in the solar system, throwing things off centre and creating mayhem and havoc for us mere mortals here on earth? Is Jupiter hanging out too long in Scorpio or something, when it was meant to move out and let Mars retrograde Sagittarius or some shit like that?

(Or is it just life, doing what it does?)

Hubbie said it best this evening. “The one thing no one can buy, is time. Even if you’re a billionaire, and you try to buy back the previous day with all the money you have, you couldn’t do it.”

Time is the most valuable commodity. Let’s not waste it. We’ll never get it back.

I’m looking forward to the most fantastic day that is tomorrow.