The best song EVER for Valentine’s Day

It’s that time of year where you might be looking for Somebody to Love, or asking the Universe ‘where is the Love of my Life‘?

Red roses and heart-shaped gifts bombard you wherever you go. Save Me you think, from this commercial madness. It’s a Crazy Little Thing called Love and you feel like you need to Play the Game, watching happy couples and saying ‘I Want to Break Free from this madness.’

It’s a Hard Life, walking around in a kind of Bohemian Rhapsody, wanting something more, but feeling like it’s all kind of a Bicycle Race to the finish line. But you are solo, Another One Bites the Dust, and you shout ‘I want it all!’ (before realising I’m Going Slightly Mad because everyone just stopped and stared at you).

But on this day, you must understand, there is no US, versus THEM. Loved-up couples versus stunning singles. United, We are the Champions, and it is A Kind of Magic to realise that love pulses through us all, whether we are in romantic relationships or not.

This is the good part, so Don’t Stop Me Now.

Love is all for all, despite what the brochures and hotel deals and restaurant specials tell you today. You need to Spread Your Wings and see that love is for everyone to enjoy… sure it can be between two people in a relationship who love each other, but that is not where it stops.

It’s between parent and child.

Between siblings.

Between friends.

Between work colleagues.

Between a girl and her grandparents.

Between cousins.

Between you and your pet.

It is everywhere for us to feel, and appreciate, and celebrate.

And therefore I present to you, the best most appropriate and loving Valentine’s Day song for ALL…

You’re my best friend.

I love this song so much, because you can interpret it into any way you wish today.

Happy Valentine’s Day. 💕

“You’re my sunshine

And I want you to know that my feelings are true

I really love you

You’re my best friend.”

 

How to get by in life in very tiny and easy to achieve steps

Quick fixes.

Drink a caffeinated beverage. Tea, black, green or COFFEE.

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Put on loud music. Freddie Mercury Live Aid 1985.

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Look in the mirror and LAUGH at yourself. I dare you not to smile.

Look out the window. Dream.

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Take 3, slow deep breaths. Do it now.

 

Make a date.

Schedule girl time. Or boy time. Whatever tickles your fancy.

Go to the beach. Go to the forest. Go to the mountains. Connect with Mother Nature.

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Put yourself in another environment. So if you are depressed at home, go out. If you are depressed at work, well… go out. Take a sickie. Yes I am saying take a sickie (then maybe think about finding another job if you are depressed more often than not).

Watch something you love. An old tv series, movie, youtube comedy clip… put on that which makes you smile.

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Sit under a tree.

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Take a nap. Some shut-eye really can bring you clarity.

 

Self-care.

Meditate. Sit in silence and try to quiet your mind. Or let it wander. See where it leads you. Don’t get worked up over what pops up – just observe.

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Stretch. Do some yoga. There’s nothing like concentrating on the breath that takes you into a different zone.

Write it out. Have you ever done free-journalling? Sit with a piece of paper and get it all out, don’t stop for 5 minutes and keep the hand moving and the words flowing with whatever crap random shitty unusual scary thoughts come out of your head. When your 5 minutes is up, burn the paper.

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Go for a walk. Around the neighbourhood… around the shopping centre. Whatever. Walk aimlessly, and let your feet lead you.

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Long-term.

Talk to someone. A partner, friend, family member, colleague… even your cat. You think stroking their fur doesn’t help? You clearly don’t have a pet.

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Take concerted time out to make yourself happy each and every day. Make it a priority, write it on your to-do list, make it a MUST, just like eating, sleeping and hygiene are in your day-to-day.

Drink water. A lot of it. Our bodies are made up of between 50-75% water, so we need this vital substance to keep us sane and moving.

Finally, remember to keep things in perspective. At our core we are made up of atoms. Energy, air, and yet in human form all we see is hard matter. Think of all those who have come before us. Think of the future generations who will follow. Imagine the Universe. Imagine God. Just imagine Mother Nature if that is what you please.

And then see yourself as this tiny little invisible dot on the world map that is living an existence in amongst all of the shared past, present and future histories of anyone who has ever passed a breath.

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Sure, you matter. We all do. But how much do your problems hold weight?

If they still hold you down, speak to a professional. But if they seem pointless and irrelevant, take a deep breath and put up the music.

Every day is a chance to start again.

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‘What Does It Mean’ Monday #11 “Shut the Gate!”

During last week’s Bachelorette finale when the soon-to-be rejected runner-up, the man who would go on to capture the country’s collective heart when he comforted Angie on having to let him down –

PHEW!

Timm, uttered the words “shut the gate” I turned to Hubbie immediately.

“What? That’s what you say!”

Apparently Hubbie is not the only one.

This wild and free Aussie bloke, Timm, was known for his quirky and Aussie slang during this 2019 season of The Bachelorette. But no phrase struck me so much than the words he spoke then, and maybe it was because I had heard them so many times before…

But would others understand the meaning? And how would non-Aussies react if they heard such a phrase… “shut the gate!”

Like, close this?:

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Photo by Lomig on Unsplash

🤣🤣🤣

No no no.

Let me explain.

And this comes solely from my own experience with a ‘shut the gate’-r. I don’t need no google here.

Shut the gate is a phrase to mean “end of story”

“case closed”

“done deal”

“definitely!”

Typically ‘shut the gate’ adds emphasis to what is being said, so you would have a point to make and add “shut the gate” as your closing statement. 😉

It can be used in examples like –

“That song is awesome! Shut the gate!”

“Harden shut the gate on that 3-pointer!”

“Shut the gate it’s gorgeous outside!”

See if you too can use ‘shut the gate’!

Is there a phrase or quote you want me to investigate?

Let me know, and I’ll give it a go!

 

‘What Does It Mean’ Monday #8 “Stage 5 clinger”

LOL, ROFL, SMH. We are going modern day peeps, and today are looking at a term that has become prevalent in the last couple of decades, becoming a current part of our everyday vernacular, more so for those that actually say LOL ROFL SMH.

Let me explain.

A ‘stage 5 clinger’ is someone from the opposite sex that will not give up, presents themselves as too clingy or attached, to the point that it becomes either uncomfortable, embarrassing or just downright awkward to the person of their affections… or anyone watching.

Someone who becomes overly attached, too quickly.

Someone who is on the rebound or an emotionally fragile person, who thinks they have found the love of their life after only one date.

For further explanation, watch this edited clip from the 2005 movie The Wedding Crashers. Many claim that this is where the term originated:

LOL.

It might be unfairly assumed that the term is exclusive to the female sex… it is not.

Some Aussie mentions abound here so apologies to those abroad… but in our first Aussie run of The Bachelor back in 2013, the stage 5 clinger to the main man Tim Robards was Ali… who so very awkwardly tried to kiss him before leaving the mansion without a rose.

Oh dear. SMH.

Funnily enough years later Ali Oetjen became a Bachelorette herself set on finding true love… and karma has a funny way of finding you again doesn’t it? Because this time she got her very own stage 5 clinger.

The current 2019 season of The Bachelorette shows the leading lady Angie battling with a very keen stage 5 clinger… and if you are watching the series you will know EXACTLY who I am talking about. But it goes to show that the clinger-vibes aren’t reserved for chicks only.

As for the phrase itself… we can see where the ‘clinger’ comes from in the term, but why the ‘stage 5?’ I can only assume it is like when you have a hurricane… you might have a stage 1 hurricane (not so bad, some harsh winds) or a stage 5 hurricane (argh! the end is nigh!)

ROFL.

The same applies to the stage 5 clinger. Either they are getting weird on you with those 3 missed calls in 5 minutes… or they have just driven 3 hours ONE WAY to get you that vanilla slice that you liked… on insta. And they have delivered it to your door. Personally.

UGH. Take it easy.

And that folks is my Monday meaning today…

IMHO.

L8R.

😉

 

 

 

Things that shit me… #17

(Is that bad, that I am up to 17?!)

Things that shit me…

Swimming parents who steal your spot in the change rooms.

Please, LET ME EXPLAIN.

And if you are this swim Mum or swim Dad, I HATE YOU. You deserve a bunch of soaking-chlorinated swimmers thrown in your face.

This happens more times than I dare to count. If I start to count, God help me.

When baby girl goes to her swimming lesson, it is at a peak after-school time.

When I take her to the change rooms straight after for a quick dry and change, it is still peak after-school time.

Do you know what happens almost all the time?

Breathe. Phew…

We walk in. Baby girl has to go to the loo, immediately.

So I put her change bag and shoes down. At a free spot. One that is a-v-a-i-l-a-b-l-e. One side of the change rooms is all benches and places to hang your towels and bags, and I pick one that doesn’t have anyone else’s stuff around it before quickly heading into the toilet with her.

I head in with her, because while in there I pull off her sticky swimmers and wrap her in a towel.

We are out in 2 minutes. Sometimes less.

And as we walk back over to the benches, I take a deep breath, knowing…

someone has taken my spot.

They are literally changing their dripping child into fresh clothes. They are practically in my spot, almost standing on baby girl’s shoes, practically nudging her change bag, and anyone else walking in would be totally forgiven in thinking that baby girl’s stuff, is theirs.

But the stealer of space is not forgiven. They have invaded my space and they and their child and stuff is all in my face! If I did go to my spot to change baby girl, we would be hugging (or I would be strangling them) THAT’S HOW CLOSE WE WOULD BE.

You haven’t heard the clincher, wait for it…

I look around, and there is available bench space around that doesn’t include my bag.

?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL F%$K????

They have room to change their child elsewhere, and these morons continually pick a spot where my stuff already is!

And you know what I do? Like today… I head over to my stuff, snatch it away and walk off… to a free spot.

FACE PALM.

I am at swimming every week having these knocked-around-like-Beyoncé moments:

The woman no matter who she is, will NEVER say anything. I should park my car so close to hers so she can’t get into her driver’s side, and just stare at her when she has to climb in through the passenger and accidentally lodges herself on the parking brake.

Not pissed much.

This riles me up soooo bad. And I know I am all glass half-full gratitude gal over here… but do not be surprised if one day you hear a news report and it goes something like…

“Chaos today on the Peninsula as a woman is pelted with swimming noodles after taking the spot of another in the change rooms… full details after the break.”

That will be me.

‘What Does It Mean’ Monday #5 “Choking the Chicken”

Yep. You read right.

Today I am doing something a bit different. Sure I am going to be exploring the above phrase and its origins, but rather than basing my research on online google searches, I am going to say right now, what I am about to say can’t be found on google.

I AM GOOGLE TODAY PEOPLE. You won’t find this info anywhere.

I am going to bring forth a theory based on someone else’s fact, and so if you disagree with me, I’d love to hear it… but I think it’s pretty darn good.

Since I talk about origins, of course I can’t proceed without talking about what my Monday phrase first means. So, how do I put this…

‘Choking the chicken,’ diplomatically speaking, is the act of pleasuring oneself, intimately…

With the term specifically reserved to men. For good reason.

Think similar terms like “taking the dog for a walk,”

“spanking the monkey” and

“bashing the bishop.”

And if you still have NO IDEA what I am talking about, you clearly should not be on this blog.

Onwards for those that do.

With the phrase well and truly explained and the image clear in our minds (sorry!) I will now go onto the fascinating story of HOW I CAME TO FIND OUT ITS ORIGIN.

And guess what? Real chickens are involved.

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Photo by William Moreland on Unsplash

Some time ago we were visiting some family friends, who had backyard chickens at the time. Baby girl being the age she is, was fascinated with the chooks, and our friend caught some for her to pat.

As he held one, he was telling us about the chooks, and how he had to sometimes… choke them. Not choke as in strangle, but massage the area beneath the hen’s neck which is called the ‘crop,’ which if it became watery and squishy in nature, might mean the food they had eaten had not emptied fully, which could lead to an infection for the hen.

To keep this from happening – he laughed – he had to “choke the chicken.”

At first I stared in awe. I mean, the term kind of went over me, as I stared, watching him massage the neck of the hen, up and down, until something, slowly and quietly, spewed and dribbled out from the hen’s mouth.

Oh God. Then it hit me. 

CHOKE. THE. CHICKEN.

The official term used is ’emptying a chicken’s crop.” Look it up on youtube. Hell, I’ll give you the link that I watched. Go to 4:20. There you go, easy peasy pumpkin easy. And then watch as the chicken… well, you know.

I must advise, only those that know what they are doing should perform this manoeuvre. You can fatally harm a chicken if you don’t do this the right way. But as you can see in the video… OMG. Like it looks, the same! Oh God. I feel sick. Please don’t vomit guys, don’t vomit.

And there you have it. Choking the chicken. Bet you didn’t see that one coming.

Okay I will stop now.

Is there a phrase or quote you want me to investigate?

Let me know, and I’ll give it a go!

 

‘What Does It Mean?’ Monday #3 “Easy peasy pumpkin easy”

I have only ever known it as ‘pumpkin easy.’ But my daughter insists, every time I say it this way, that it is in fact – “lemon squeezy!”

I honestly thought it was her stubborn nature as she often proves herself to be 6, going on 17 and all… until I did this google search…

“EASY PEASY…”

And the “lemon squeezy” result came up far more times than my “pumpkin easy” preference did!

It must be a generational thing. Hubbie too finished my testing ‘easy peasy’ opener with –

PUMPKIN EASY.

Ok, so besides who says it what way, what does it actually mean?

Simple. Like literally. It means super easy or extremely simple.

“See, we fold this here and there you go! Easy peasy pumpkin easy.”

“We turn right into this street and it’s there – easy peasy lemon squeezy!”

The original term is easy peasy. Common add ons can be:

Pumpkin easy, or

Lemon squeezy, or even

Japanese-y!

WHAT?!

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Photo by Orlova Maria on Unsplash

The latter part of the sentence contains playful words added on perhaps for the fact that it is often used in the company of children (hence my almost everyday use of it). It is an example of a rhyming duplication… think other examples like teenie-weenie, and super-duper.

The term ‘easy peasy’ was originally used in the 1940 American film called The Long Voyage Home. We can only guess at the lemon squeezy addition, with some believing it goes back to a British commerical for soap in the 50s-60s, where the slogan used was “easy peasy lemon squeezy” to promote its lemon-scented dish soap called “Sqezy” (pronounced squeezy).

America’s version was ‘easy as pie,’ used as far back as from 1976, but we can still see that the British term was in use much further back than when the US one arrived on the scene.

I for one, have no idea where the pumpkin came in… only to assume that it may have digressed from the ‘easy as pie’ expression, and someone thought that pumpkins (and their pies!) were easy… hence ‘easy peasy pumpkin easy’?

As for the ‘Japanese-y’ addition… a few sources cite that it comes from a silly childhood rhyme:

“Easy peasy Japanese-y

Wash your hair in lemon squeezy!”

Why I never. I can imagine there was more rhyming and schoolyard nonsense attributed to this version rather than a downright racial slur… but fair to say I will still be using the orange vegetable version thank you very much!

Do you sayeasy peasy”? Which version do you use?

Is there a phrase or quote you want me to investigate?

Let me know, and I’ll give it a go!

 

Baby girl says the darndest things #6

I have the most interesting conversations with baby girl, who is 6 going on 17.

She knows everything, and expects me to read her mind.

This from a while ago.

It is morning.

 

“Honey, why was your door open this morning? Did you open it?”

“Yes.”

“You opened it and then went back to sleep?”

“I had to go toilet.”

“Did you go?”

“No I was waiting for you.”

PAUSE. “Did you call me?”

Hands in air. “I was standing here waiting for you!” Indicates the door.

“Honey how can I help you when you don’t call me? I was sleeping.”

“Mama! You should have known!”

(Face palm).

“Ok, so did you go toilet then?”

“No.”

“Do you have to go now?”

“No.”

 

I give up. 🤯

 

‘What Does It Mean?’ Monday #2 “Don’t get your knickers in a knot”

The above phrase is also commonly referred to as –

“Don’t get your knickers in a twist.”

“Don’t get your panties in a knot”

“Don’t get your panties in a bunch.”

Collectively they all mean the same thing…

Don’t get too excited or upset, or

Calm/settle down.

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Photo by Fahad Waseem on Unsplash

There doesn’t appear to be a real definitive origin of the phrase, other than to say that the term “don’t get your knickers in a twist” appears to have come from Britain in the 70s, only to have moved along to the U.S and Australia and become their version of “don’t get your knickers in a knot.”

The term ‘knickers’ itself is a British one, and the phrase is primarily reserved for women and their lower apparel…

Although the first recorded literary mention seems to come from Wilbur Smith’s The Train from Katanga (1965) I have to quote the 1968 novel by Frank Norman, titled Barney Snip – Artist:

“Oh do stop it,” she gasped as their lips broke away from each other with a resounding plonk. “You’re getting my knickers in a knot!”

And that my friends, is an appropriate usage of the term ‘knickers in a knot’ don’t you think? 😉😂

(How’s about that ‘lips broke away … with a resounding plonk’! What is a plonk sound? How do lips parting, go plonk? Hmm). 🤔

Is there a phrase or quote you want me to investigate?

Let me know, and I’ll give it a go!