A love letter to my unborn baby

I feel you move. I massage the spot.

You push up to meet me, my fingers and your limbs connecting through skin.

I already know so much about you.

Your nightly hiccups, how you stretch about.

Swooshing around me when I sit

Getting excited when I drink magnesium, every single time.

I feel you poking, testing

Knocking at my front door.

I know you’re nearly here.

But we waited for you for 5 years

And those years feel like a lifetime.

You were cautious, waiting, watching

Hanging onto God’s word

What’s a few more days now?

As you stretch into me, push on my muscles, bones, fibres and nerves

Flexing before you greet the world that was always waiting for you,

Darling baby, I want you to know this…

I never gave up on you. Even when I had no idea where to turn, I never lost hope.

Hope was something I would pride myself on, and yet it also killed me.

But still, I held onto the thought of you.

I heard your voice, telling me to hold on, and I wept tears of joy and sadness.

Where were you, and why was it taking so long?

I now know. I now get it.

It was always meant to be this way.

And although it’s all easily said and done now

I accept it all, and I am ready for you.

I can’t wait to see your little fingers and toes.

To feel your head rest against my skin.

To smell your sweet breath and breathe in your newborn skin.

To hear you cry out for me, again and again and again.

To look you in the eye and for you to look right back.

I am ready for this beautiful life with you to begin. Whenever you want.

We are here. Patiently. Waiting. 🙏💞

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A love letter to my baby girl

You are 9 now, but you will always be my baby girl.

You are my light, my solace and strength, and you’ve helped me without realising, just by being beautiful you.

Life is going to change sweet girl. It’s always been us 3, and I love our bond. I cherish it so much.

But my love is about to grow, and expand, and be all-encompassing… to also include your little sibling, very, very soon.

It’s oddly bittersweet. It won’t be just you and me having mummy-daughter days, but there will be a little one tagging along.

And as much as we wanted this for us, we also wanted this, for you.

Having a sibling that you can love, share with and depend on is one of the greatest riches in the world.

I know.

I want you to always remember…

I’ll always think fondly and with deep love about our one-on-ones.

Our coffee dates.

You and me reading side by side in peace.

You beating me in Nintendo, and me getting mock upset.

You letting me sleep-in on weekends (you’ll need to teach your sibling that one).

But trust me when I say this… things are about to get a WHOLE LOT BETTER.

More kisses.

More cuddles.

More love.

More memories. 💞💞

Just please, never forget…

When Mama can’t help you, please be patient.

When Mama can’t be there for you, it’s because I can barely be there for myself.

When Mama says “next time,” know it is killing me.

When Mama cries, just know I am overwhelmed and tired.

And when Mama smiles and goos and laughs at baby, know that I used to do the same for you, and my heart holds as much love for you now as it ever did before.

I love you forever my sweet girl. Things will change, but trust me, it will be ok.

And that’s because I have you to help me through it.

Thank you for being my first. Our bond is like no other, and you’re about to create a new one with your sibling very soon.

I can’t wait.

Love grows, and grows, and grows. Our future is amazing, and it’s all because you are in it.

A love letter to my Hubbie

Where do I even begin?

I weep so easily thinking about our journey.

You tell me I am so strong, and yet it is you who has been my strength, my saviour, my pillar of hope and refuge during all our turbulent times.

Every time I cried, every time I said I couldn’t do it again.

Every time we had a talk, and I came to you in tatters and utter confusion.

Every time I said I couldn’t handle the outside world…

You were there for me, holding my hand and listening.

Letting me know you would always be there.

Your support and love is the greatest gift I could have ever received.

And you didn’t give me blind promises, tell me all would be ok.

You didn’t pretend like you knew the answers.

You just told me, I was enough.

We were enough.

So, as we approach this much-anticipated moment of all our wildest and craziest dreams coming true, I want to thank you.

Thank you for it all.

I need your strength just a little more. Give me one more burst…

And then some more, and more, for the rest of our lives. Because that is life.

Please know I will always be there for you too.

Unwavering, loving, “I’ve got your back.”

And I know you’ve got mine.

You are a real-life knight in shining armour. And yes, fairy tales do come true.

I love you.

My favourite Christmas poem

No one can ever tell your story, or share your feelings, or speak your soul, just like you can.

Which is why this Christmas poem I penned 7 years ago remains my favourite of all time. Nothing to do with ego, it’s simply a window into my world, of my Aussie Christmas, and the memories that I hold so dear.

And the memories we keep adding on.

So I will reshare for you, because it’s a Christmas countdown, so why not?

Something Christmas every day I say. 😁

What (Aussie) Christmas means to me, my love

Sunny days and leafy trees

sprawled out in the yard on lounge chairs

squeals of laughter from the park children

the squeak of Mum and Dad’s backyard swing.

Prawn platters, Fruit pavlova

three courses and constant food in between

Ham is not the star – everything is

and it all goes down well with a glass (or few) of champers.

Flowy dresses and bows in tresses

the kids run barefoot on the grass

we can show some leg and we don’t care

Summer, holidays, carefree, go together.

Annoying things too, like crawling ants and invading-space flies

tightly-wound presents with ribbon, all screwed up

but this is the miniscule list I hold

for this oh-so-Merry day.

Balmy nights, revved up cars

light until past 9pm

cannot sleep, but not just for Santa

for waiting ain’t easy when it’s pushing 20 at midnight.

Eating drinking memory making

What do you talk about with those you love?

Why everything! And now let’s make some plans

about how we’ll take on the world together.

Hot sand replaces stinging ice

sunnies sit meandering instead of wrapped-around scarves

we still rug up on Christmas Eve

to our loved ones for warmth, but not heat.

Carols may sing of snow,

Santa may be in his jolly suit,

cards will show reindeer, eggnog, fireplaces

and the pine trees are not native at this time of year.

But those are idealistic visions

of a Faraway Place

a dream where one day I will be, and see, and touch

and live in reality.

My memories here are of sun, of outdoor fun,

sitting outside and making memories with loved ones

My Aussie Christmas

is the one I love the most.

Copyright SmikG 2015

A touch of Christmas, a lot of love

There is a house I pass on my way home from my usual grocery shop, that I’ve noticed for its decorations.

I’ve noticed it, because it stands out in a street where quite a few neighbours have gone to some kind of effort in decorating their front of house for Christmas. Matching red bows on the fence. Perfect lights hung across the roof. Festive Christmas characters on the lawn.

This house, has none of those. It has tinsel – two colours – green and red, and they’ve been strung throughout the beige picket fence.

Not in a perfect, deliberate, every 5th stump kind of way. More in a mismatched, let’s put it here, let’s put it there… maybe there, kinda way.

I noticed this house early on. And then, something about it, HIT ME.

It made me teary.

This house, this home, the people within it… I can guarantee you without knowing them personally, that these people are the embodiment of what Christmas is about.

Because the extent or magnitude of your Christmas decorations has nothing to do with how much you love it. Whether you spent $1000 in flashing lights, and 6 hours of your Sunday putting things up…

It actually means nothing. Sure, it does mean you love Christmas.

It also means you have two things. Time, and money.

The person who spent $5 on tinsel and 10 minutes on a Tuesday night to put it up, they ALSO, love Christmas.

And it tugs my heart so much, because they either don’t have the time, they don’t have the money, or maybe even both, and yet despite this, in a street full of so many perfectly placed and prettied Christmas decorations, they still put up their tinsel.

They still showcase their love for Christmas, with what little they have.

THAT is true love. That there, is what it’s all about.

I still smile at the fancy lights and decorations I come across at night, as baby girl wows in the car.

But this house right here…

It hits different. It hits in the heart. 💖

Don’t lose sight of what’s important at Christmas time. 🙏🎄

Quickie book review #6 Rainbows with Park

RAINBOW ROWELL – Eleanor and Park

“What are the chances you’d ever meet someone like that… someone you could love forever, someone who would forever love you back?”

Eleanor is the new girl at school. She can’t really fit in and blend into the background, what with her crazy red hair, mismatched fashion sense spanning old mens shirts and patches of coloured material covering the holes in her pants, and her curvaceous figure.

Park wears black, and tries to ignore the idiots at the back of the bus, but it’s hard when one of them is his neighbour. His home life is actually happy and normal, and his family stick out majorly in a town where broken marriages are the accepted norm.

Then one day, Eleanor sits down on the bus next to Park… and the rest is history.

So let me first say this… Eleanor and Park… oh, my heart. 💖

If you had told me that the blooming love story of an out-of-control red-haired scarf wrist-wearing girl and a half-Korean all black wearing eye-lined teenage boy would make me cry, I would have laughed out loud and suggested you go back to listening to your Joy Division, or something. 😉

But oh God, Rowell does good here, like REALLY good.

This immediately grabbed me from the first two pages, and had me dissecting and planning how I would reconstruct my own YA with odd clarity. It’s sharp, so honest and raw, while oddly maintaining a beautiful sense of naivety and sweetness when it comes to their blossoming relationship. I loved how the music was a soundtrack for their journey, and the references to uniquely high school things (being embarrassed for the over-the-top teacher’s antics) took me back in time and made me LOL.

Pros: Everything. Emptying out all your batteries in the 90s so that you can give them to your almost girlfriend who doesn’t have batteries for her Walkman, well if that isn’t love, then I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS.

Cons: I wanted more! I totally got the ending though. I cried happy and sad tears (note, not bittersweet) because the ending was so perfectly imperfect, it’s kind of exactly what I want to emulate repeatedly with my own work, and for that I 100% respect it… but I still want more!

This is a beautiful coming-of-age novel, and balances the real with the raw, so, so well.

‘Need to know where the characters are’ rating system: 10/10.

This, is YA “with the volume turned way up.” 😊

Baby girl says the darndest things #11

I had to share this beautiful moment from earlier tonight, even if just so it’s stored away somewhere, a back-up against unreliable memories, worries and useless facts.

Baby girl and I were watching The Babysitters Club on Netflix. When it first came out I was excited: I thought it’d be a good thing to share with baby girl, and I could relive the book series I loved so much all those years ago.

It HAS been a good thing.

Watching a scene tonight between Dawn and her mother, baby girl turned to me lovingly, with a wistful look in her eye:

“Mama, when I grow up… I can’t wait to look after you.”

Awwww!

Before adding sweetly “now you tell me that when you grow up, you’ll look after me!”

🤣

Darling, I’m getting there. I’m still trying to ‘grow up,’ whatever that means. ❤

Baby girl says the darndest things #10

I’m sitting on the toy box leaning against the wall, which I do every night as I’m waiting for baby girl to fall asleep.

My feet are up on her bed, while she lays, squirming, moving, underneath the covers.

My eyes are closed. I am still. Feigning sleep.

I feel her feet underneath the covers, start to tap against my feet on top of the bed.

“Yes, honey, I can feel your feet.”

I open my eyes and look at her warily.

“Mum, my feet just love your feet, they have to tap them.”

“Okay, but you won’t be able to sleep if you’re tapping my feet all night.”

“But Mum!” (Her favourite catchphrase at the moment).

“My feet are connected to your feet! And my feet are connected to Tato’s feet too, but he’s too far, they can’t reach them…” motions upstairs.

So, not only are our hearts connected… but our feet are too.

Photo by alleksana on Pexels.com

Baby girl says the darndest things #8

This one is more touching than funny, but still I have to share.

Baby girl followed me up to the balcony today, where I was reading a book. She brought some of her own with her, including some drawing ones with textas to colour in.

We sat in silence for a while, she occasionally telling me something about what colour she was using, until she said suddenly –

“Mama. I love you more than Summer.”

It was so sudden that I stopped, not knowing what to say. It was such a child-like thing to say… but it touched me deep. I smiled and said to her –

“I love you more than Summer too honey.”

Considering how much we all love Summer in our household, I thought it was the most sweetest sentiment EVER. ♥

dakota-roos-u7ldh_tgH3s-unsplash

Photo by Dakota Roos on Unsplash

The best song EVER for Valentine’s Day

It’s that time of year where you might be looking for Somebody to Love, or asking the Universe ‘where is the Love of my Life‘?

Red roses and heart-shaped gifts bombard you wherever you go. Save Me you think, from this commercial madness. It’s a Crazy Little Thing called Love and you feel like you need to Play the Game, watching happy couples and saying ‘I Want to Break Free from this madness.’

It’s a Hard Life, walking around in a kind of Bohemian Rhapsody, wanting something more, but feeling like it’s all kind of a Bicycle Race to the finish line. But you are solo, Another One Bites the Dust, and you shout ‘I want it all!’ (before realising I’m Going Slightly Mad because everyone just stopped and stared at you).

But on this day, you must understand, there is no US, versus THEM. Loved-up couples versus stunning singles. United, We are the Champions, and it is A Kind of Magic to realise that love pulses through us all, whether we are in romantic relationships or not.

This is the good part, so Don’t Stop Me Now.

Love is all for all, despite what the brochures and hotel deals and restaurant specials tell you today. You need to Spread Your Wings and see that love is for everyone to enjoy… sure it can be between two people in a relationship who love each other, but that is not where it stops.

It’s between parent and child.

Between siblings.

Between friends.

Between work colleagues.

Between a girl and her grandparents.

Between cousins.

Between you and your pet.

It is everywhere for us to feel, and appreciate, and celebrate.

And therefore I present to you, the best most appropriate and loving Valentine’s Day song for ALL…

You’re my best friend.

I love this song so much, because you can interpret it into any way you wish today.

Happy Valentine’s Day. 💕

“You’re my sunshine

And I want you to know that my feelings are true

I really love you

You’re my best friend.”