Lovely Lyrics #2

This Lovely Lyrics series doesn’t necessarily need to pertain to inspirational, uplifting, even a walk-in-a-field-of-daisies kind of nice…

It can be nice in it’s stark truth, it’s realism… in the way it speaks to your soul.

One voice. Few guitar strings. Strong words…

“Help me, it’s like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
But I just can’t
It isn’t in my blood

Laying on the bathroom floor, feeling nothing
I’m overwhelmed and insecure, give me something
I could take to ease my mind, slowly…”

I wasn’t any kind of Shawn Mendes fan when I first heard the radio-friendly and severely over-played Stitches. I would change the station every time it came on. EVERY TIME. I wasn’t a devotee at all.

But then I saw a short interview with him on Jimmy Fallon, and I thought…  he was actually a nice kid.

Suddenly I didn’t mind his song all too much…

And then when I heard the beginning a capella notes of In My Blood the first time, they spoke to me.

Did he have any experience in the matter? Did a kid of his age know about sadness, depression, feeling like it is just not worth it?

Had a person of his age, still so inexperienced, seemingly successful with his early musical accomplishments, and yet still so young, well, did he know about this? Well, did he?

It doesn’t matter whether he did or not. Because his words still painted a hauntingly accurate picture.

Because I had been there. I had been in a place of willing myself to give up, telling myself I will not go on due to repeated failure, repeated rejection, repeated blows to the heart, body and soul…

crying and sniffling and slobbering all over the place…

sitting on the bathroom floor…

And just as I had told myself I will not continue, this little voice from inside said –

“Hush. You know you won’t give up.”

Like Mendes says, ‘it isn’t in my blood.’

Have a listen to the first 26 seconds. They are truly touching in their stark wretchedness. I love it. ♥

 

 

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Failing at reading

I’d like to show you something:

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Other than not knowing how to screenshot, if you look even closer, you will see that on my Goodreads account, I started reading Sense and Sensibility…

in (shock horror) February of 2015.

2 freaking years ago.

Not even I realised how bad I was until logging in to update my progress.

It’s taken me over 600 days to finish a book, which though slightly hard to engage with at first, I grew to love, with Austen teasing me throughout about what, and how, certain things were going to play out.

It’s not that I don’t read. I love it, so so much. I wish I had more time for it. But, things happened last year, and though I turned to the book, time and time again, reading chapters here, chapters there, the fact that we had a massive life overhaul, what with Sea changing and all, meant that there were so many other things to take care of, and that still need taking care of… that taking time out to enjoy a very fave pastime of mine, just felt selfish.

This here my friends, is a lesson in failure. Observe the following 2016 reading challenge I participated in last year:

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Have a look at that, really, have a good look at that.

I pledged to read 10 books. Not much I thought. 10 books a year, equated to just under one book a month. That didn’t seem at all impossible, but as mentioned above, Sea change, and all I ended up reading was 2 books.

2 books.

2 books!

And during that time I was about half way through Austen’s book too.

I don’t feel oddly embarrassed. A little ashamed, maybe, because you know, being a Writer and all, and wanting to write for a living, well you feel a bit pathetic when your main bread and butter, the act of reading to help you write – you fail miserably at.

I failed miserably, I know.

I have excuses. I have reasons. Do I need to justify them to anyone? To make people believe that I am a legitimate writer, that I am worthy of the “Writer” title?

No. My online writing presence is enough. I am a busy person. I have a life. And sometimes, things don’t go to plan.

Many times, things don’t go to plan.

It doesn’t mean however, that we shouldn’t plan, or strive towards certain goals.

The lesson here is this.

Firstly, don’t feel bad for taking time out to read, if it is something you love to do – writing-related or not. We should all give ourselves a break now and then, even if it is while waiting in line to pay a bill, on your lunch break at work, or late at night when the house is quiet. For a creative mind, it is necessary.

Second, shit happens. It almost always does. So if your well-tuned ideas and visions don’t turn out the way you’d like – don’t despair. Don’t use it as a reason to give up.

Never use ANY thing as a reason to give up.

Just say “oh well,” and move on. Or my favourite “PLOT TWIST!” and then see what scene the chapter of your life will play out for you next.

I’m already thinking of what I will read next. And I think the well overdue “Girl on a Train” book that I borrowed off Hubbie’s cousin, LAST YEAR, is definitely next in line…

(If you’d like to be Goodreads friends and have an account of your own, my profile name is Smikg…)