Things that shit me… #13

Things that shit me…

Drivers who speed up when you need to get in their lane.

I mean, I was in an area, a road I don’t use often. I had google maps to help me, but still, when I saw I was soon turning right, I didn’t also realise at that stage I could have stayed in my current lane, as 3 lanes were turning right.

I saw the little white, bullshit car speeding up, coming up fast from behind me. I know I jumped in front, but I swear it wasn’t a dangerous manoeuvre…

…The little shit box stayed close, clearly pissed that I had gotten in front of them, despite my indicator, despite their speed, and BEEPED!

I saw the driver in my rear-view mirror, motion left and right, and I was like “geez dude, you’re kidding me right?”

I put a hand up, in a motion of “sorry” and CALM THE FUCK DOWN.”

They went back to their soap box, and I sat there. Silently fuming. 

Because although I had jumped in front of them, I had felt I had no choice at the time.

And they, despite my driving manners (i.e. clear indicator), decided I shouldn’t be let in.

The mother-f%^er sped up.

I wondered:

Would that driver be the type of person to push in at the supermarket check-out in front of an elderly hobbling grandfather, or a struggling Mum with screaming kids?

Would that driver be the type of person to take the last piece of shared cake from the work communal kitchen, and then whinge that it was all gone?

Would that driver be the type of person to take their dog for a walk, and let it shit on someone else’s lawn AND NOT PICK IT UP?

Would that driver be the type of person to complain loudly of anyone making noise in a movie theatre, and yet continue to receive loud notifications and calls from their phone?

Would that driver be the type of person to complain of beetroot in their burger, even when they clearly had seen the menu description and don’t even like it in the first place?

Yep. Yep, that driver is probably ALL of those things.

Shit people.

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Photo by Kevin Lee on Unsplash

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Women vs. Men #3

Scene 1. When I am driving the car, and baby girl is whining and crying.

“Baby girl, stop it! Stop crying, why are you crying?”

Hubbie.

“I don’t know why you’re upset, I just ignore her. We’ll be home soon.”

Scene 2. 24 hours later. Hubbie is driving the car.

Baby girl: whining, crying, yelling, da da da!!!! (repeat endlessly).

Hubbie – “Oh my God she is doing my head in, I can’t take it.”

I sit forward. “Are you serious now?!”

Women vs. Men, part 3.

Things that shit me… #8

Pedestrians.

Pedestrians shit me big time.

They shit me when they amble over the road ever so slowly, taking in the sights of the uniform, grey, large buildings around them, in a kind of sight-seeing stupor, while an ever-increasing line of cars await their cross so that they can move on through the road that they are unfairly occupying.

They shit me when they run across the road at random intervals, not because it’s their green man, not because it’s their crossing, but because they are doing so ILLEGALLY and just crossing 7 lanes in peak hour to get across to the demanding chicken on the other side.

They mostly shit me when they cross slowly, due to the fact of being so engrossed by their phone screens in front of them that they are unable to see their future prospects of being run over by cranky drivers.

Pedestrians who look down at a device, preoccupied, while taking on the task of crossing a road that inhabits large and heavy vehicles that far surpass their weight, are really playing with fire.

They kind of, deserve to be mowed down.

(Gasp, horror! No, really?)

 A little nudge won’t hurt them… might wake them from their stupor too.