Not ‘aspiring’ writers, or ‘published’ writers, ‘wannabe’ writers or ‘successful’ writers…
I have something I need to share. It’s important.
No doubt it is something we all, as ‘writers’ of the world, have had to face.
Many will be facing it right now.
And if you haven’t already, you’ll be sure to come across it in your writing life.
At some stage, you would have told some of your loved ones, be it your friends or family, that you wish to write.
You want to write. You do, write.
Even if they have already known it for most of your life, even if it is an assumed thing, writing being your background passion and all… no doubt there will have been a moment where you have said out loud “I am doing this.”
I AM GOING TO TRY MAKE A LIFE OUT OF IT.
You are nervous. You are excited. Hell, maybe even like me, you hold off telling most people out of intense fear of their reaction, and only share your personal news with a total of 10 people over a 5 year period.
And when you share that news with your nearest and dearest…
Excited in the prospect of them being sooo happy in you having discovered your life’s purpose, and have chosen to share something so intimate with them…
Relieved to have released a deep-seeded fear…
What do they do?
NOTHING. You tell them, and –
There is something you need to realise on this writing journey. And more widely, something everyone needs to realise as they go through life and discover what it is that drives them crazy-happy with a passionate fury.
It is a thing I myself have had to wrap my head around and come to terms with.
The people you love, may not necessarily love your hobby.
They may actually, not think very much of it.
They won’t hate it. But, it might be something of ‘meh.’
This can come across as seriously disappointing, especially for someone like me, who has held off on expressing this hobby and passion of mine, to loved and near and dear ones, for years and years and years simply out of fear.
And then, when the moment came… often I realised, it was a bigger thing for me, than it was for them.
And that is ok.
There may be a whole bevy of reasons why your loved ones and your passion aren’t immediate besties… or for that fact, EVER AFTER besties.
Your loved ones may be really busy.
Your loved ones may not know much about your passion.
Your loved ones may find it suddenly difficult to comprehend your sudden discovery at said-passion, and this in turn may highlight some difficult and unanswerable questions for them… those being, what are their passions? What are they doing in their life?
How are they turning their flame on in the routine of life?
Humans are a fascinating and extremely complex breed, and so you can be assured that all of the possible answers will not even begin to fill the paragraphs of this post.
You will notice I have not mentioned a fairly common reason for lack of excitement at the realisation of your passions… and that is jealousy. I have omitted it because real loved ones will not be jealous. They may exude mixed feelings, because of the sudden need to reflect on their own lives. But they will not be envious. They will not see red simply at your long and topsy-turvy journey to getting to your own pre-determined successful, “I’ve made it” destination.
Jealous people are shit people. They are not your loves ones. Keep them at arms length.
They can go f%*k themselves. You need a strong and supportive circle, so get rid of that crap immediately.
Safe to say, you will realise very quickly and easily, who YOUR circle is.
And as is my case, I’ve realised that my circle don’t necessarily have to start a book club for me.
And why should they? I am the only star in my life… as they are the solo star in theirs.
We all have different shit going on. We need to look humbly around us and realise that.
It’s not personal.
It’s just, LIFE.
Your loved ones and your hobby don’t need to get along. They don’t need to go on long walks together. They don’t need to watch a movie. They don’t need to see each other, scream out in delight and exclaim “it’s been so long since I saw you!” before enveloping one another in a giant hug.
As long as they nod some kind of acknowledgement to each other when they pass… that’s cool.
That’s to be accepted.
Our passion isn’t necessarily anyone else’s. And whether you have held off for 5, 10 or 20 years to tell anyone, it won’t be anymore impressive than if you decided yesterday during brekkie you wanted to be a writer after finding 7 grammatical errors in the local paper.
You need to let go of the idea that your loved ones will be as excited for you, as you are excited for you.
In many cases, this won’t be the fact.
And that’s normal.
We can still love our hobbies…. and we can still love our friends…
But we’ll just make sure we see them on alternating weekends 😉
(Note the below is idealistic, yet highly unrealistic!)
Photo by Alexis Brown on Unsplash