Which group?

I’ll admit. I can be quick to get upset at those closest to me.

I think I get it from my Mum. I have a short temper, and I can flare up quite quickly, feeling sorry for my outburst almost immediately.

I get upset by many things. I’ll feel like I’m the only one putting into a relationship; I’ll feel slighted by someone; I’ll feel ignored by another. I hate to come from an ‘entitled’ frame of mind, but those who are dear to me, I hold very dear to me. Once you’re in the circle, you’re in. And I put those in my circle on the highest of pedestals. I love them so very dearly.

There comes many times in life when someone you regarded so very highly, does something that has you questioning them, and wondering about the nature of your relationship. This usually happens after the big life milestones, as Hubbie and I have played witness to: getting married, and then having a kid.

There’s been a few people who we have been surprised by. That’s all I’ll say. One friend of mine surprised me, and one friend of Hubbie’s surprised him (ok I’ve said more). And both times, despite our histories with both these friends, we went “Stuff them.”

A little time passed. I kept thinking about my friend. And I realised, the reason why I was hurt, and I just couldn’t let it go and ‘stuff it,’ was because we had such a great history. Was I going to be so frivolous and consider throwing away our friendship, without even giving her the benefit of the doubt? She at least deserved that, after all we’d been through.

If I had done something, I would sure as hell want someone to not just write me off and come up to me instead, saying ‘hey you smikg! You pissed me off!’ And then we could discuss it, and hopefully come to some kind of understanding. Shouldn’t I extend the same courtesy to others, of that which I would expect from them?

I told Hubbie this. I asked him “is your friend worth it?” He is. Many people have told us that it’s better to approach people and get things out in the open. Which we’ll both do I think, with our respective friends.

Although nothing is quite resolved in this regard, it’s made me think a lot. So often, we get so upset, even at the little tiniest trivialities of everyday life: “that idiot cut me off!” “why did she jump in front of the queue?” “why won’t you sit still for a nappy change?!” (baby girl lately).

We get upset at these little things, and then we let these little things infiltrate our relationships, and then we start getting upset at everything, at everyone. It’s just not worth it. We don’t know what other people are going through, and what is happening in their lives. Shouldn’t we give them the benefit of the doubt? That person that cut you off might be in a real rush to get somewhere – do you want to be in the unfortunate situation to be in a mad rush like he is? No, let him go. Give him kindness, he has problems. That lady who jumped queue? Again, she might be really busy, and have her family waiting on her so she can tend to them hand and foot. She doesn’t get a break. What are you gonna do, let her know she’s delayed you by two minutes? Just let it go.

Choose your battles. Baby girl doesn’t wanna sit still lately. I remind myself it’s a beautiful thing, her curiosity, and how she wants to discover everything. I’ll just have to adapt to her and find another way to put her nappy on (how many ways can you put a nappy on?! Anyone?!)

This is a post however, about groups. And often in life, it IS necessary to let people know that it’s wrong for them to be doing/saying whatever it is that’s not right.

Does this person have a lot on their mind? Could you cut them some slack? Is your relationship worth it?

Or is it same old with this person? Are they being unnecessarily rude and cold? Is it in one ear and out the other?

Do you save, or do you throw away?

Whatever will be… will be?

Every so often I find myself getting deep on the same question: how much of our lives are pre-destined, and how much of our lives are, well, in our hands?

It’s usually some hard decision I find myself having to make, or something rather huge happens, and I’m there thinking ‘did I attract this? Or was this fate?’

It’s a really hard topic I find myself thinking about, and the thoughts and possibilities go around and around in my head until I come to the same conclusion every single time: that I don’t know anything, other than what it is I believe in, and that is –

-that there is a portion of our lives that we can’t escape from, and

-there is a portion of our lives that we can choose to do what we like.

It’s a bit of me, doing what my Mum says I can’t do, and that is sit on both chairs at once. You might too think I’m sitting on the fence with my viewpoint, but it’s the only way I find it to be true. In my life I have felt times where something happened out of the blue, completely out of my control… and then there have been other times where something has eventuated from my hard work, determination and focus.

I haven’t always had the ‘destined-determined’ outlook though. In my earlier years I naievely believed that everything that happened was meant to happen, and even if you didn’t try, if that tree was meant to fall down, it would split in half without you even bringing an axe to it.

There is a sense of relief in the belief that we are not accountable, and that no matter what we do, it won’t make a difference. However as freeing as it may sound, being removed from any responsibility, we have no freedom in this scenario, and is this really a way we want to be living?

I confuse myself at times. I remember when I chased down a part time job back in my uni days, and wonder if I had still gotten it if I hadn’t called the area manager several times, showing him how keen I was. Then another voice in my head said ‘maybe that was meant to happen.’

I remember the hours-long debate I had with then my pre-Hubbie, about the philosophy subject driving me bonkers – that we had no free will, and that all of our present actions were a result of our past deeds, therefore eliminating freedom of choice. I remember the night clearly, because we went round in circles for hours in his lounge room, and even physically went round, as I have a clear recollection of sitting on the top of their couch, and I have no idea why.

 At the end of the day I believe a larger part of our lives, are left in our hands. Working out what part that is though, as you’re living it, is a whole other series of questions.

I’d love to know other people’s thoughts…