I’ll admit. I can be quick to get upset at those closest to me.
I think I get it from my Mum. I have a short temper, and I can flare up quite quickly, feeling sorry for my outburst almost immediately.
I get upset by many things. I’ll feel like I’m the only one putting into a relationship; I’ll feel slighted by someone; I’ll feel ignored by another. I hate to come from an ‘entitled’ frame of mind, but those who are dear to me, I hold very dear to me. Once you’re in the circle, you’re in. And I put those in my circle on the highest of pedestals. I love them so very dearly.
There comes many times in life when someone you regarded so very highly, does something that has you questioning them, and wondering about the nature of your relationship. This usually happens after the big life milestones, as Hubbie and I have played witness to: getting married, and then having a kid.
There’s been a few people who we have been surprised by. That’s all I’ll say. One friend of mine surprised me, and one friend of Hubbie’s surprised him (ok I’ve said more). And both times, despite our histories with both these friends, we went “Stuff them.”
A little time passed. I kept thinking about my friend. And I realised, the reason why I was hurt, and I just couldn’t let it go and ‘stuff it,’ was because we had such a great history. Was I going to be so frivolous and consider throwing away our friendship, without even giving her the benefit of the doubt? She at least deserved that, after all we’d been through.
If I had done something, I would sure as hell want someone to not just write me off and come up to me instead, saying ‘hey you smikg! You pissed me off!’ And then we could discuss it, and hopefully come to some kind of understanding. Shouldn’t I extend the same courtesy to others, of that which I would expect from them?
I told Hubbie this. I asked him “is your friend worth it?” He is. Many people have told us that it’s better to approach people and get things out in the open. Which we’ll both do I think, with our respective friends.
Although nothing is quite resolved in this regard, it’s made me think a lot. So often, we get so upset, even at the little tiniest trivialities of everyday life: “that idiot cut me off!” “why did she jump in front of the queue?” “why won’t you sit still for a nappy change?!” (baby girl lately).
We get upset at these little things, and then we let these little things infiltrate our relationships, and then we start getting upset at everything, at everyone. It’s just not worth it. We don’t know what other people are going through, and what is happening in their lives. Shouldn’t we give them the benefit of the doubt? That person that cut you off might be in a real rush to get somewhere – do you want to be in the unfortunate situation to be in a mad rush like he is? No, let him go. Give him kindness, he has problems. That lady who jumped queue? Again, she might be really busy, and have her family waiting on her so she can tend to them hand and foot. She doesn’t get a break. What are you gonna do, let her know she’s delayed you by two minutes? Just let it go.
Choose your battles. Baby girl doesn’t wanna sit still lately. I remind myself it’s a beautiful thing, her curiosity, and how she wants to discover everything. I’ll just have to adapt to her and find another way to put her nappy on (how many ways can you put a nappy on?! Anyone?!)
This is a post however, about groups. And often in life, it IS necessary to let people know that it’s wrong for them to be doing/saying whatever it is that’s not right.
Does this person have a lot on their mind? Could you cut them some slack? Is your relationship worth it?
Or is it same old with this person? Are they being unnecessarily rude and cold? Is it in one ear and out the other?
Do you save, or do you throw away?